Three other people up here, two fellas and a lass, a gun in my hand (I find myself questioning my motives at this point), medikits and ammo in-front of me. A helicopter tells me to GTFO.
So yeah, not exactly the way I saw my evening heading. It gets worse. This gun? Looks like it’s a good idea to have it. See, some filthy scrote was crawling up the stairs all gibbering like an idiot , something about brains or gurgling or summat, and RUNS towards me with vicious intent in his eyes! Didn’t get right far. Turns out running with legs full of bullets and one dashing brain-piercing is pretty hard, who knew!
The others seemed to think the ex-fool’s stairs were the way to go. Figured may as well take a butchers. Must have been some benefits fraudsters meeting cos, right, there’s a load more of them. All gurgling and moaning. Never happy, those types. And what’s with all the running and grabbing and chewing? No need! One of these delightfully over-affectionate dole-scum ran up and knocked me over, dozey prat. There’s a girl with us – the sight must have triggered some terrible flashback as she ripped what I could only, in hindsight, describe as a “shining new one” with a shotgun. Where did she get a shotgun? I want a shotgun.
Anyway. On the way out of the building, solving a few of the governments benefit fraud problems along the way, one of the buggers was crying. Now I can’t say that I’ve got any real sympathy for them – if you’re going to live in a crappy flat with crappy people and spout out kids for government pennies then you get any rubbish that comes your way! But no, one of the other guys gets a case of the ‘chick-flicks’ and goes all “heeey, it’s ok babe”. HA, that didn’t last long. He’ll be picking bits of her skin out of his hair for days. Put up a bit of a fight, the scrawny thing and OH the racket she made! No wonder she’s crying on her own – not gonna get a fella acting like that. Bloody mood swings.
Outside, yeah, outside’s no better. I reckon something’s up, there can’t be this many scallies all out at once. Who’d be doing the shoplifting if they’re all here? Knackers to it, they’re all getting, how did he put it.. “a bit bitey” this lot. So they’re all running and biting and clawing, which is bad enough, then some hulking great tubby appears from nowhere! Didn’t half niff too. Mind, wasn’t moving all that fast but someone got a little trigger happy and figured El-Tubbo was going to ‘av it. MAN what a stink. I mean he literally EXPLODED. Geeze, the smell’s gonna be with me for weeks. Of course now we stink of ‘em the scrotes think we’re their friend’s or summat – coming out of everywhere now, dopey gits. Lassy greeted some of them with that shotgun. It’s a really nice shotgun. Gonna have to see about getting me one of those.
Right, long story short – they all ran off after a bit, maybe one o’them found some new benefit scam, an’ we found somewhere a little safer for the moment. Can’t say I’m reet happy with the evening but you know what? There’s a shotgun in this room. I’m ‘avin it.
